“No Whites Allowed”

I’m tearing through “Ruthless”, rap impressario Jerry Heller’s memoir of his days managing N.W.A. The book is a stunning chronicle of the gangsta rap movement, not to mention late-80’s urban social dynamics. Heller was a classic rock executive who found himself at 45 sleeping on his parent’s couch, entirely disillusioned with the post-disco corporate takeover of the music industry. He got back in the game distributing local funk and early hip-hop records out of a warehouse on Santa Monica and Vine, when an alleged crack dealer from Compton named Eric Wright paid one of his associates $750 to meet him. Wright was putting together a rap group with a local Compton pop producer who turned out to be Dr. Dre (those pics of Dre in the sequinced jumper were really him), and a high school kid named O’Shea Jackson who spent the hour long bus ride from Compton to Taft High School each day writing fuming lyrics about life in the ghetto (and called himself Ice Cube). Heller asked Wright the name of his group:

Eazy-E: “N.W.A.”

Heller: “What’s that stand for? No Whites Allowed?”

Eazy-E: “Close enough.”

Below check out the group’s classic appearance on “Arsenio”, barely a month after N.W.A. got a letter from the F.B.I. condemning their music.

Yes We Kant

Immanuel Kant opined that “things which are beyond value have dignity“. Dignity has always been an ill-defined and ephemreal quality, but channelling the great Justice Potter Stewart, I know it when I see it. The fact that Stewart’s foregoing recitation was originally applied to obscenity is very telling of the nature of human existence and (hopefully) this blog. Dualism aside, dignity has always been a quality associated with the American experience and one that I find much more tangible than “freedom”. Dignity has been fairly detached from the political establishment since Watergate and reached its nadir during a recent period I feel no further need to document.

Our current President’s detractors are mystified by his appeal and the sometimes dogmatic following he attracts. John McCain childishly railed against it as “celebrity” (like that was going to be accepted in the negative) and the Snide Society bristles away at the nationa’s subjugation to “The One”. In their desperation and frustration, they may fail to notice the explanation right beneath their noses. That which Kant lauded and which we typically take for granted. Dignity. As the administration’s chosen conservative chronicler David Brooks puts it eloquently below, restoring the nation’s dignity, and that of the political establishment in general, has transcended policy and politics.

But it’s not right to end on a note of cultural pessimism because there is the fact of President Obama. Whatever policy differences people may have with him, we can all agree that he exemplifies reticence, dispassion and the other traits associated with dignity. The cultural effects of his presidency are not yet clear, but they may surpass his policy impact. He may revitalize the concept of dignity for a new generation and embody a new set of rules for self-mastery.

Free Association on “Hung”

Say what you want about the quality of television these days, but there’s no denying we’re in the Golden Age of the Anti-Hero. Over the past decade we’ve seen sympathetic characters be made out of hoagie munching, skull cracking Mafia bosses (Tony Soprano), philandering plastic surgeons with a penchant for buggery (Christian Troy), a serial killer (Dexter), a self-destructive misanthrope (Hank Moody from Californication), and that misanthrope’s nebbish ancestor (Larry David). Now comes along a deadbeat Dad turned male prostitute in the form of Ray Drecker from HBO’s new series Hung. Ray is a former high school sports star who decided to take adulthood easy and now finds himself middle-aged with a dead-end job, an ex-wife (Anne Heche) who left him for her dermatologist, two kids struggling with childhood obesity and all its frills, and the burnt house of his parents which he is too poor to restore. But Ray’s one quality that has endured, his one last hope for redemption, is his extremely large penis. Faced with dire circumstances, he does the sensible thing. He becomes a man whore. Needless to say, this provocate fare has given me some food for thought. So with that being said, here’s some free association and takes from my viewing of the show.

“That night I swallowed my pride, bought a pre-paid cell phone and a box of condoms, and put an ad in the back pages of the Detroit Examiner.” If you’ve somehow incorporated this line into your pilot episode, I think you know you have a winner.

Ray makes a noble attempt to keep and restore the house his parent’s built. He ends up a prostitue. Which begs the question: why does trying to stick to one’s principles inevitably result in having to betray them ten times over?

The actress who plays Tanya (Jane Adams) was the sorry-sack loser in arguably the most depressing movie ever made: Todd Solondz’s Hapiness. In fact, she was the most depressing character in the most depressing movie ever made. This makes the fact that she dated Steve Martin all the more bothersome.

The show is pretty transparent about its assumption that Ray’s gift has led to his downfall. This kind of endowment is more of a safety net than an actual trust fund. Spend too much time being exalted for your virility and you end up soft and complacent. Figuratively.

Self-help seminars being run by guys wearing Dockers will not turn out well.

Anne Heche. Boy did she pull one over on Ellen. Gotta respect the dedication to fortune and fame to fake lesbianism. I guess at this point we can long for the days when a fake lesbian relationship was just a shameless grasp at fame by a no-name actress, as opposed to a symptom of mental illness (see Lohan, Lindsay).

“If you really wanted to get to know me, you wouldn’t have hopped in the sack so easily.” Impulse isn’t always the least legitimate motivation. In fact it’s usually the most legitimate.

The poetry in bed after sex bit is the sole and exclusive property of one Annie Savoy.

I know that making his kids pudgy, geeky, and hapless is supposed to be an expression of his poor performance as an adult, but it’s not realistic. Good looking flakes who don’t fulfill their high school promise don’t end up with schlumpy kids. Their kids inherit the characteristics of their youth, not of their adulthood, and end up cool, hip, and flakey just like their folks.

“Oh my god. You’re an egotistical asshole.” There’s something so amazingly profound about the moment a woman realizes that.

Mike v. Brit

“Vince Can Do Da Movie!”

College Humor’s spoof of “Entourage” is insanely good. Entourage started out as a second-rate “National Geographic: Hollywood”, came out of nowhere to produce a phenomenal Vince-gets-played-by-Mandy Moore/Ari-gets-screwed-by-Malcolm MacDowell 3rd season, and has since then become more formulaic than Scooby-Doo. Seriously, would you be surprised if the season premiere story line involves someone dressing up as River Phoenix’s ghost to scare people away from a treasure buried underneath the Viper Room?

That would however stray from the timeless formula of: Turtle gives an exasperated Brooklyn grunt about how Vince can’t do a        movie –>Vince tells him everything’s gonna be allright–>Eric (I refuse to call him”E”, Kevin Connolly is not a gangster, he’s a 5′4″ Irish putz) sticks a cellphone to his ear and gives an aww-shcucks “Vince can do the movie”–>Drama tosses out a “good job, baby bro–>gang heads to night spot, Ari shouts expletive about how they own the town–>Vince confirms that yes, everything turned out allright.

For the visual expression of this formula, watch the video.

VIDEO HERE

Someone Call the Labor Board On Joe Torre

Honestly, there are Chinese rice farmers who work less than Ramon Troncoso and Ronald Bellisario. Joe Torre is riding them to the point of insanity. From what I hear, Jeff Nelson still suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder from Torre walking out to the mound and raising his right arm. The Neo-Miracle Dodgers are lethal in one-run games, but Bellisario and Troncoso are starting to remind me of the “Hey Mon” family from In Living Color.

Compton, Always Knew I’d See Ye Again

It was the greatest return since Milla Jovovich took Brooke Shields’ spot in The Blue Lagoon, I’m tellin ya. After a 14 year hiatus, I finally made my long awaited return to the city of Compton. Yes, the FBI’s 17th most dangerous city in America has been missing me like the deserts miss the rains. Ice Cube was going to join Mayor Eric Perrodin in my welcoming ceremony, but he didn’t want to risk endorsing recent gentrification efforts.

Let’s face it, 17th most dangerous city or not, modern Compton is less Straight Outta Compton and more Straight Into IHOP. Don’t get me wrong, the place is still a shithole, but at least they’ve dotted it with a couple Coffee Beans and updated the signage at the Burger Kings. When a brazen young fellow named Griffith D. Compton settled the territory in 1867, could he have imagined that one day that the city he founded due to its mild climate would be  exploited as the epicenter of the gangster rap movement only to follow its grunge counterpart, Seattle, into the dust-bin of pop culture folklore? I say yes.

My fond memories of Compton stem from a trip down to the C-O-M-P-T-O-N for a mid-season Ocean League showdown between Beverly Hills High School and Compton Centennial. I’ve yet to comment on my JV high school football team, but they were without question the biggest set of characters this universe has ever seen. They make the North Dalls Forty look like the St. Thomas Aquinas Seminary choir girls. If you could bottle the pizazz of the 1995 Beverly Hills High School JV Football Team, you could ween Western Civilization off Middle Eastern oil by next Thursday. There’s no way I could do them justice in this post, so I’ll just give you this one anecdote. Don’t worry, they’ll be popping up from time to time.

Anyways, our band of misfits took the athletic privilege of getting Thursdays off to cruise down the 605 freeway to Compton’s home field just after lunch. While we were waiting to line up for stretching drills, a group of players (me not included) headed off to use the little boy’s room. An inner city high school would be nothing without a group of truants playing dominoes in front of the bathroom, so like clockwork, our 7 gridiron greats approached the N.W.A. sympathizers, trying to scoot past them to relieve themselves. When the truants told them they’d get their asses kicked, the players all turned away and went back to the field. All except Rodney Ohebsion, who just happened to be the only one wearing a helmet. Rodney seems to have bottled the triumphant experience because he is now the author of self-help guides and success manuals. His forthcoming book, “Mind Over Matter: How To Overcome the Odds and Take A Piss in Compton”, will be published by Random House this Fall.

When the players returned, they relayed their tale of woe to our coach, Bill “No Not That Hand! Your Right Hand! The Hand You Have Sex With!” Erickson. Coach Erickson then channeled Vince Lombardi and gave his most stirring pronouncement since his “If You Ain’t Cheating, You Ain’ Trying” speech: “What the f**k is this? IT IS YOUR RIGHT AS A MAN, TO TAKE A PISS WHENEVER AND WHEREVER YOU WANT! Now give me 5 laps.”

A lesson not easily forgotten. In a city not easily forgotten. Compton, here is to you. Eric Wright, take it away.

“When your adversary is making a fool out of himself, get out of the way”

In assessing the dilemna from my last post, Pat Buchanan hits one of those moments every 5 years or so when he makes sense. Below is his take on why the President’s Cairo speech and his minimalist intervention in the election crisis (or coup), have facilitated the semi-revolt we are now witnessing. Or in other words, as I said before: extremists, left to their own devices, WILL DESTROY THEMSELVES.

The Obama policy of extending an open hand to Iran is working and should not be abandoned because of the grim events in Tehran.

For the Iranian theocracy has just administered a body blow to its legitimacy in the eyes of the Iranian people and the world.

Before Saturday, the regime could credibly posture as defender of the nation, defiant in the face of the threats from Israel, faithful to the cause of the Palestinians, standing firm for Iran’s right to enrich uranium for peaceful nuclear power.

Today, the regime, including the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, is under a cloud of suspicion that they are but another gang of corrupt politicians who brazenly stole a presidential election to keep themselves and their clerical cronies in power…

There are other reasons Obama should not heed the war hawks howling for confrontation now.

When your adversary is making a fool of himself, get out of the way. That is a rule of politics Lyndon Johnson once put into the most pungent of terms. U.S. fulminations will change nothing in Tehran. But they would enable the regime to divert attention to U.S. meddling in Iran’s affairs and portray the candidate robbed in this election, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, as a poodle of the Americans…

The dilemma for America is that the theocracy defines itself and grounds its claim to leadership through its unyielding resistance to the Great Satan—the United States—and to Israel.

Nevertheless, Obama, with his outstretched hand, his message to Iran on its national day, his admission that the United States had a hand in the 1953 coup in Tehran, his assurances that we recognize Iran’s right to nuclear power, succeeded. He stripped the Ayatollah and Ahmadinejad of their clinching argument—that America is out to destroy Iran and they are indispensable to Iran’s defense.

Speak Up?

I am horibbly torn on whether or not Obama needs to speak up on the events in Iran. On one hand, the internal Iranian revolutionaries are on an island alone right now, with no support, taking on a ruthless band of tyrants. The media is doing a pitiful job of covering these developments which is easing the external pressure on the regime. The mullahs actually value legitimacy very highly and the more we can expose them on the international stage the more likely they are to realize their goose is cooked. A high profile, world-wide broadcast speech by the President could draw the world’s attention and a spotlight on the Iranian regime that they cannot ignore. They are not the Chinese, they do actually care whether they are considered a legitimate government. Enough spotlight and they might just accept that their 30 year experiment in populist autocracy is over.

On the other hand, silence may be golden. The more organic the revolution, the more effective the revolution, and interference by the U.S. might just give Ahmedinejad and the mullahs the pretext to label their opponents as American puppets. The red, white, and blue is still  a controversial symbol in that region (well, obviously) and any sign of it might turn some reluctant supporters of the revolution against it.

Very, very torn. But very, very hopeful.

Progress, Not Perfection in the Middle East

From John Cleese to Russel Brand, our British brethren have always been known for their cynical yet prescient sense of humor. One of the early Limey zing-meisters was a guy named Winston Churchilll. He laid a sturdy groundwork for Jon Stewart with such gems as: “Democracy is the worst  form of government except for all those others that have been tried.” Well Winston’s best-of-a-bad-bunch form of government seems to finally be leading to results in the Middle East. Yesterday, the pro-Western “March 14″ faction won a resounding victory in the Lebanese elections over a band of merry men known as Hezbollah. This can be interpreted as an outright rejection of extremism and a denouncement of para-military groups that use governance as a veiled cover for terrorist activity. Lebanon has a large Christian population and, despite a crippling civil war in the 80’s, has been grasping for modernity while Syria tried to subjugate the nation into a client state with Iran-sponsored Hezbollah at the forefront. This election was a referendum on this faction and the result was an outright defeat.

Andrew Exum speculates on the motivations behind the Hezbollah rejection, pinpointing the blowback from the Israeli offensive of 2006. While fighting the Israeli army to a standstill was a major PR victory for the group, it did not endear much of the Lebanese population. Maybe they didn’t appreciate their country being destroyed just so Hezbollah could make one worthless soldier kidnapping  and get some good press in Terrorist’s Quarterly. And then we have the less publicized events of this spring when armed Hezbollah militias seized middle class Lebanese neighborhoods. This all leads to a consistent point: extremists, when left to their own accord, will destroy themselves. Without fail. Extremists are great at goading their enemies. They are great at chanting and burning American flags. You know what they are not great at? Governing . And the more governing they do and the less chanting and flag burning, the more their constituents realize this.

Meanwhile, over in Shiite-ville, Iran is quickly approaching its own elections this Friday. With all the noise about Iran being the apocalyptic boogeyman, everyone seems to forget that this country does have a democratic system and a very young, (relatively) pro-Western population. Only 12 years ago, the Iranians elected a reformist, pro-Westerner in Mohammed Khatami. Khatami spent most of his 8 year term constrained by the reactionary mullahs (Ayatollah Khameini apparently doesn’t like to share), but it serves us to remember that Khatami was the expression of the people’s will only 8 short years ago. Various factors (achem, Axis of Evil speech) led to the election of the extremist Ahmedinejad, but whattya know, it’s 4 years later and Iran finds itself an international pariah with its economy in the gutter (Extremists + Governance = BAD). The man Dennis Miller refers to as Aqua Velvet-Jad now finds himself trailing reformist candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi, who is inspiring Obama-like rallies across the nation.

Those determined to paint Iran as this generation’s cartoonish folk villain, bent on world destruction, might take heed and realize this is a country of vast political diversity. The likely defeat of Ahmedinejad will not bring down the mullahs and make the rivers flow with chocolate, but it will be the first major step in U.S.-Iranian detente. The LA Times had a very interesting interview yesterday with another Presidential candidate challenging Ahmedinejad, Moshen Rezai. Now, Moshen Rezai is not exactly a member of Habitat for Humanity. He is an Iran-Iraq War hero and founded the Iranian Revolutionary Guard. He is the only Presidential challenger labelled a “conservative”. Rezai unequivocally disavows rejection of the Holocaust, calls for engagement with the U.S. , acknowledges the horrors of war, and recommends that Iran’s nuclear operations be turned into a public stock company owned

 and backed by the West (meaning, so that we can constantly monitor the program for non-peaceful means). There is simply more to Iran than meets the eye. Assuming Iranian voters follow the wisdom of Lebanese voters, I am interested to see the reactions of those determined to make Iran into SPECTRE.