Mission To Miami Part III

Makin like Larvell Jones and heading to Miami for New Year’s. Miami, the land of cocaine cowboys, Ace Ventura, the Cuban political machine, poorly named boutique hotels with too many white pillows in the lobby, and my grandma Alice. 355 days of the year, I have mixed emotions about Miami, but from Christmas to about January 3rd, the place just goes off. Collins Ave. and the aforementioned boutique hotels serve as the playground for every self-important sceney cheesedick from LA and NY…and I am no exception. I do not apologize for being a Miami-for-New Years cliche. In fact, I relish in the stereotype, particularly due to the fact that I can always make a trip out to see grandma and restore any karma forfeited over the course of the week.

Arivederche suckas. If you have the misfortune to not be joining me in the MIA, let the sweet croonings of Miami Favorite Son Steamin’ Willie Beamon keep you company.

Juan Cole’s Top 10 Myths About Iraq

Foreign policy scholar Juan Cole debunks a number of myths about Iraq. Basically, although we are making progress, it would be erroneous to say either Iraq or the world is necessarily safer due to the war (we may get there, but were not there yet). Most of our success over the past 18 months can be attributed to new counter-insurgency techniques and the triumph of the Shiites in the ethinic battles of 2004-2007, not the genius of The Surge. Beyond that, the idea that Bush acted on false intelligence is so ludicrous, the mere thought of it perishes upon arrival. He and the neo-cons were going into Iraq no matter what the “intelligence” said.

The full post with the 10 Myths is here:

Top 10 Myths About Iraq

Obama Econ Guru Sounds Off

Newly appointed National Economic Council chief Lawrence Summers did a little promotional piece in the Washington Post this morning championing the stimulus package the President will be implementing post-inauguration. Summers is the intellectual backbone of the team put together to save our collective butts, so it serves to hear what he has to say.

Summers does not sugar-coat the fact that we face dire short-term circumstances (basically, don’t expect 2009 to be much better than 2008). However, he is adamant that the stimulus pacakage maximizes our economy’s capacity for medium and long-term growth and addresses the infrastructural defficiencies that have plagued us for decades now.

We won’t know the details of the pacakage for a few months and we won’t know the results of its execution for years, but at least Summers (and in essence, Obama and his economic team) seems to be hitting the right points. We have been obsessed with taking measures to spur short-term consumer spending at the expense of making the long-term capital investments in education, energy, health care, and the aforementioned infrastructure necessary to propel our economy forward. Push has come to shove and our hand has been forced. I of course view government’s ability to meet these goals with skepticism, but it’s clear the free market fundamentalists’ “don’t worry the private sector will take care of it” philosophy has failed. If the private sector was taking care of it, we wouldn’t be in this bind, so I’m willing to let government take a shot. Looking forward to getting more details on the stimulus plan in the new year.

You Tube Comes Through Again: Rocky IV Spoofs

Anyone with any comprehension for cinema is aware that Rocky IV is more than just a movie, it’s a cultural event. I mean, this movie had geo-political ramifications that cannot be measured. After Reagan and Gorbachev put the Cold War in its coffin, Sylvester Stallone hammered the final nail. The second Sly delivered the “If I’s can change, and you’s can change, we all’s can change” line to a lovelorn Russian audience, you knew Communism was dead as Dillinger.

Beyond that, Rocky IV re-defined the essence of sports filmmaking and defied every law against how many montages set against cheesy 80’s arena rock pop you can have in a 30 minute span. I’m not kiddin. In the 30 minute span between Apollo’s funeral (tear) and Duke’s pre-fight pep talk to Rocky in Russia, the movie somehow fits in 3 separate motages! There’s maybe 17 seconds of dialogue in the entire sequence and it’s still some of the most captivating work ever put to screen. These aren’t screen filler, they are the most inspiring, blood-pumping montages you could ever imagine, of course topped off with the Montage to End All Montages:  the “Hearts on Fire” montage.

Apparently, some other schlemiels recognized the wonders of Rocky IV and, thanks to the wonders of You Tube, put together some spoof videos of the montages. These are frame-by-frame re-enactments of the “Hearts On Fire” and “No Easy Way Out” montages. Hilarious, check them out:

Hearts On Fire

No Easy Way Out

Lakers 92, Celtics 83

First step on the path to revenge. Our job is not done yet. These Celtics are dirty, under-handed SOBs and do not deserve the life Providence has bestowed upon them. Nice win today as we played half-way decent defense, exposed Rajon Rondo as a medicore player, and Pau Gasol re-discovered his manhood half-way through the 4th Quarter.

But…our job is not done. Not by a long shot. In the meantime, let’s enjoy this one with a little Belushi:

“Kevin Garnett IS  A DEAD MAN! Pierce, DEAD! Perkins DEAD! Allen DEAD!”

Now picture me bludgeoning a piece of raw meat with an ice pick and you get the idea.

My First Blogging Enemy!!!!!!

Yes! Some uptight jerk who read my below Bernie Madoff post has issued a fatwa against me and called me a “Nazi” in his blog post. Check it out!

Oh poor Martin, please get yourself to a massage parlor ASAP! You’re too high strung for your own good.

Bring Back the NBA on NBC!

On the surface, tomorrow’s Christmas Day showdown between the Lakers and the defending champion Boston Celtics has everything a basketball fan could ask for. A rematch of last year’s NBA Finals and a renewal of professional sport’s most storied rivalry, with both teams at the head of their respective conferences on a collision course for another Finals confrontation. This game has it all: rivalry, tension, history, hatred, excitement. But there’s one thing this matinee battle doesn’t have: The “NBA on NBC” theme song.

Any b-ball fan growing up in the 80’s and 90’s vividly remembers a cherished ritual performed every weekend and holiday day. Wake up and plop down in front of the television as you wait for the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up as you turn on NBC and listen to broadcasting Messiah Bob Costas launch into a quick oral history of whatever two teams were about to play set against a stirring montage of slow-motion on-court images. By the end of Costas’ monologue you could cut the tension with a knife and feel the inspiration nearly levitating you out of your seat.

Then it hits you with the force of an overhand right from Ivan Drago after a steriod injection: Kaboom! Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh du-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh! Yes, the “NBA on NBC” theme song. A 32-second opus of bombast that ranks somewhere between “Eye of the Tiger” and “You’re the Best Around” on the list of motivational sports music. The trumpet-laden ditty was evidently composed by Entertainment Tonight anchor and Blow-Dried Hair Club for Men President John Tesh.

Unfortunately, ABC outbid NBC for NBA broadcasting rights in 2002 and sports television has never fully recovered. Like all Laker fans, I will be fully immersed in the moment come game time tomorrow, but in the back of my mind, I will know the experience is incomplete. Where’s John Tesh when you need him?

Here are a few classic NBA on NBC intros:

Rockets vs. Knicks 1994 NBA Finals Game 7

Suns vs. Bulls 1993 NBA Finals Game 6 (widely regarded as Costas’ greatest intro ever)

Knicks vs. Pacers Eastern Conference Finals Game 3

Bulls vs. Lakers NBA Finals Game 3

Piven Off the Cast List for Next Run of Macbeth

Everyone’s favorite “guy who hit on my girlfriend at Teddy’s” Jeremy “The Pivert” Piven was in the news this week, taking a leave of absence from his Broadway production of “Speed the Plow” due to mercury poisoning. I guess there are some health consequences to taking dumb skanks from Sherman Oaks out to sushi 3 times a day for 5 straight years.

The plot thickened when Piven’s castmates mocked his illness and noted playwright David Mamet clowned on Piven’s acting skills. You mean, award-winning thespian Jeremy Piven? Surely you jest. I was under the impression that Piven was Shakesperian trained at St. Edward’s Theatrical Conservatory and was carving out a career path as the next Laurence Olivier. Well, not according to Mamet.

A Metaphor for Our Times…Tom Cruise?

Oh man, nothing gets the wind in my sails like some good social commentary with pop culture comparatives. This time it comes from Slate dilletante Stephen Metcalfe. As the much anticipated release of Valkyrie approaches, Metcalfe spins a little tale of the cultural significance of everybody’s favorite disciple of Xenu, Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. He begins by discussing the unfortunate paradox Cruise somehow embodies as both the most popular movie star on the planet and a dude who just creeps people out.

But then Metcalfe abandons Cruise’s post-Oprah tragic period, to make a fascinating statement on how the character arc of Cruise’s character in Risky Business typified Cruise’s transformation from conflicted naivetante to grinning charm bucket and how it mirrored America’s evolution from the idealistic and blissfully unaware 60’s and 70’s to the indulgently successful, yet (as it turns out) haphazard America of Reagan through Bush II (“The 80’s did for money what the 60’s did for sex.”). I think he hits it right on the head. Great article, give it a read.

And if you want a nice counter-point on the Cruise bashing, here’s a spirited defense of Cruise’s work by a Huff Post blogger.

Go See This Movie

In her Hollywood tell-all, Hello, He Lied, producer Lynda Obst (Sleepless in Seattle) classifies films into two categories: big bulls-eye films and small bulls-eye films. High concept affairs with elements of wide appeal such as big stars, action, special effects, and audience friendly themes are big bulls-eye movies since filmmakers can miss the mark by a wider margin and still create an entertaining piece of celluloid. The bulls-eye gets decidedly smaller when you remove the action, gloss, and big stars and focus on abstract subject matter that requires focus and active viewership (i.e., makes you think). Such a film requires nearly flawless execution to hit the bulls-eye and connect with audiences, and Ron Howard’s latest, Frost/Nixon, does exactly that. This film is in a word, exceptional.

Frost/Nixon is a behind-the-scenes look at the watershed interview series conducted by British talk show host, David Frost, on his subject, recently disgraced ex-President Richard Nixon, in 1977. Although politics has come back in vogue this election year, we could hardly say that our nation’s Bush precursor and his maligned presidency has become a topic of popular interest. Nevertheless, Howard’s film is taut and engaging from start to finish and creates a palpable sense of tension that pervades the screen.

David Frost was a successful mid-70’s British variety show host and comedian who served as the satirical voice of Swingin’ London. Kind of a Jon Stewart-meets-Austin Powers. While Nixon is spending his post-resignation days rotting away in exile in an Orange County beach-side villa, Frost scrounges together the funds to entice Nixon to agree to an interview and mortgages his career as a light-hearted talk show to take a stab at respectable journalism, secure in the belief that an interview with Nixon will generate massive ratings and bring him the success that he craves across the Atlantic (“There’s nothing like succeeding in America.”)

Meanwhile, Nixon and his psycophant deputy, Jack Brennan (Kevin Bacon), see this as an opportunity to exploit a softball interviewer and restore Nixon’s national image by airing his version of reality. With prodding from his brazen researcher, James Reston (Sam Rockwell), Frost quickly realizes the immense responsibility and obligation he has assumed. He cannot let Nixon get away with using the interviews as his private vehicle of rehabilitation and redemption. Nixon must be forced to address his critics and be held responsible for his betrayal of the American people. The interview quickly descends into trench verbal warfare, with both men vying for control of the facts and their separate versions of reality: Frost’s that Nixon had committed unspeakable crimes and abuses of power, and Nixon’s that he had made the tough decisions necessary for the greater good of the country and his mistakes, while regrettable, were all justified in context.

Stanley Kubrick once said of the film screen that “it has such power that it can retain interest as it conveys emotions and moods that no other art form can hope to tackle.” Frost/Nixon proves him right as Frank Langella (as Nixon) and Michael Sheen (as Frost) show us the inner most workings of these two individuals. Sometimes great film-making is as simple as taking two interesting figures and providing a deeper understanding of their hopes, their fears, and how they experienced either of those. Frost-Nixon executes this to a tee. Please go see this movie so people will have reason to make more like it.