Yes, We Should Be Happy About This

Some hack at the Chicago Tribune questions whether we should feel satisfaction that O.J. is finally going down. The answer is an unequivocal YES. I just want to make sure everybody knows that justice is being served here. This sick bastard butchered his ex-wife and her pretty boy boyfriend and it’s not even up for discussion. They found the guy’s blood at the murder scene, in his drive-way, and in his car and there was an inch deep gash on his hand that he says occurred (by coincidence) during the exact same time that the murders were committed. When asked how he suffered the inch-deep gash, he said he cut it on his cell phone. DID YOU READ THAT? HE SAID HE CUT HIS HAND AN INCH DEEP ON HIS CELL PHONE!

His only defense was that he was framed by LAPD officers who planted the blood. Just one little problem with that. There is not one shred of evidence to support that theory. Not one. Not a single iota. Neither logistically nor motivationally. Unfortunately, Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden gave quite possibly the most incompetent prosecutorial performance in the history of the American judicial system and Johnnie Cochran was able to exploit the fact that one of the arresting officers, Mark Fuhrman, had used racial slurs during an interview with a reporter.

If you are interested in hearing any of the other 5 billion reasons why O.J. was absolutely guilty, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of “Outrage” by Vincent Bugliosi. Bugliosi knows a thing or two about prosecution, being that he is the U.S. attorney who put Charles Manson away. Let’s not discount how difficult that was, being that he had to convict Manson of crimes that he did not perform and was not even present for. Bugliosi is a brilliaint writer and lays it on Clark and Darden mercilessly.

O.J. Simpson finally where he belongs.

Another Thought On Avery

Just to put this in perspective:

New York Islanders defenseman Thomas Pock threw a cheap shot elbow that knocked another player out cold.  He got a 5 game suspension. Sean Avery’s suspension for making a crude yet accurate remark about his loose ex-girlfriend? 6 game suspension.

Glad to see the NHL has its priorities straight. This reminds me of a joke Dennis Miller made years back regarding a girl who was accepted to Harvard despite having been convicted as a minor for killing her mother:

“Hey, all she did was kill her mother. It’s not like she said anything racist or sexist.”

Hypocrites On Ice

There’s a big hub-bub in the National Hockey League this week over Dallas Stars forward and resident fashion designer Sean Avery’s comments regarding his ex-girlfriend, hockey groupie and part-time actress, Elisha Cuthbert. Turns out that since she broke up with Avery, Elisha has schtooped half the Western Conference and is currently dating LA Kings center Jarrett Stoll. Avery felt inspired to comment upon the situation by referring to Cuthbert as his “sloppy seconds” in an interview in Calgary. Avery was thereafter suspended by NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and subsequently thrown under the bus by everyone ranging from his team owner to former NHL great Brett Hull.

Every professional sport has a renegade. A smug, self-absorbed smart ass who gets a sick pleasure out of making comments that get under people’s skin (gee, I wouldn’t know anything about THAT). In baseball it’s A.J. Pierzynski, in football it’s Terrell Owens, and in hockey it is without a doubt Sean Avery. Avery loves making snide remarks even more than he loves taking the corner table by the DJ booth at Hyde.

So in the name of calling a spade a spade, he decided to refer to Elisha Cuthbert as his sloppy seconds. Wow, I’m outraged. Avery’s comment is a blight upon the bastion of morality that is the NHL. Spare me Gary Bettman. Every professional sports league is a celebration of youthful masculinity and in essence a glorified frat house. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that hypocrites like Bettman shouldn’t pretend that their league and its players are anything different. I guarantee you Avery’s comment would have ranked about 137th on the list of most offensive things said in his locker room that evening. Only difference was that Avery’s was on camera and he has a bad reputation.

Stars owner Tom Hicks condemned Avery as well: “I completely support the league’s decision to suspend Sean Avery. Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.” Oh really, Tom? I guess you were shocked to learn that you purchased a hockey team, not a monastery. I sincerely doubt Hicks expresses the same sentiments when he hears about his players blowing lines during post-game victory celebrations. I haven’t seen this level of phony outrage since Obama’s “lipstick-on-a-pig” incident.

Tom Hicks, Gary Bettman, and all those who pretend to be appalled by Avery’s remark should start trying to assess where modern American society draws the line on what is offensive, since if you think his comment warrants a suspention you clearly do not know where that line exists. The NHL and other pro sports leagues have been “boys-being-boys” institutions for decades. We can debate the mertis of that, but it’s the truth and trying to make Sean Avery the boogeyman isn’t going to change anything. Gary Bettman should spend more time worrying about his league being marginalized as a major American sport since his tenture as commissioner has been an unmitigated disaster from start to finish and leave morality to the Pope.

The Cultural Vortex Called “The Early 90’s”

Reason 472,528 that the early-90’s are far and away the weirdest period in the history of man kind: Color. Me. Badd. Does anyone realize these guys sold 6 million records?! The group of course imploded after Beavis & Butthead pointed out how the 3 white members of the group resembled George Michael, Snow, and Kenny G. The carnation orange button down, the running man. It gets weirder. These guys are all from Oklahoma. I mean, are they even allowed back in the state? The early-90’s, unreal. Why do I bother? The video speaks for itself.